Long Distance Relationships

I was speaking with a friend of mine who said he had not seen his girlfriend in over a year-he's here in Lagos and she is in Jos-and that they were gradually becoming strangers, they barely had anything to say to each other when they spoke on the phone, said he was gradually forgetting what she looked like and was losing interest in the relationship.  I perfectly understood where he was coming from, because personally don't do long distance relationships either.  It’s usually stressful and very difficult to maintain and the tendency for it to fail is high, although to be fair, quite a number of them are successful.  Now when I say long distance, I don't mean Surulere to Island o, I mean inter-state or country.

Funny enough though, I’ve met people who actually prefer LDR to having their partners around, they feel they can "breathe" better without having their partners constantly afoot, They are free to conduct their personal business without questions, and then there's the thrill of re-uniting after a long period apart.  As Ii said earlier, me o, I don't like LDR at all, I’ve been in a couple of them and, yes, they failed.  Here are my reasons I feel LDR is doomed to fail:

Firstly, I know people say "Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but me I say "Out of sight is out of mind".  this is because not seeing one constantly, you realize that you begin to grow apart, you don't talk as regularly as you used to, sometimes, you might not even have anything to say to each other. a colleague of mine left to another place, and I missed him a lot, because we were pretty close, with time though, I began to realize I rarely thought of him, not that we stopped being friends, but we kind of lost that closeness. The same thing applies in a relationship, when you see each other regularly, you share tidbits of what happened during the day, you look forward to seeing them and hearing about their day, it’s usually not the same with talking on the phone.

Secondly, trust issues begins to arise. I know we are supposed to trust our partners’ unconditionally-abi is it love sef-but sometimes, you can’t help but not trust them.  When you are in an LDR, u can’t monitor their activities, you don't know what they are doing, if and when they are lying and if they are actually being faithful.  Every time you call and they don't answer, your mind goes into overdrive mode and you begin to imagine all sorts of things.  Furthermore, you don't learn about someone’s character from talking on the phone and sending pictures via BB, these are things you learn from constant interaction.  Have you ever tried settling relationship disputes over the phone?  Gosh!  It’s one of the most frustrating things ever, you are conscious of airtime, you both cant shout at the same time, heck, you don't even know if they are being sincere or not

.

Next, we meet people every day and gradually, innocent friendship begins to develop where it ordinarily should not.  At first you tell yourself it’s no big deal, after all it’s not like your being unfaithful or anything, but we all know how it is, it always starts innocently then graduates to something else. Then look at the cost of keeping in touch, if you are not working, you realize that the cost of constantly crediting your phone is telling on your pocket, and somehow, it always falls on one person to do all the calling.  Eventually, you become tired and give up entirely.

One of my friend's major problem is that he has not had sex in awhile and he thinks its unhealthy for a guy to go a long time without sex. Seriously???  ( Roger, stop walking by and tell me if it’s true). So many guys hold on to that excuse, but hey, what do I know.

Finally, I love to cuddle, I am a very cuddly person and there's just so much that a teddy bear can do, so if you’re not around to cuddle...well that's just a deal breaker!

Anyway, LDR can be made to work, so long as you don't stay apart for too long.  make it a habit of visiting at least once in 4 months, so you don't lose that thing that hold you together...and you don't forget what your partner looks like.

Why am i still single?

 So today, we are trying to find out why are a lot of ladies still single.  Yes, we are going in straight today.  Are we single because we dream of wanting the perfect guy, one who does not even exist, and we forget to face the realities of life?  On the other hand, is there something wrong with all the brothers out there?

I am still single, and I’ve been told severally that it’s probably because I set my standard too high, and that I need to lower it because it might be affecting me negatively.  However, is there really anything like setting your standard too high?  Should I settle for less because I want to get married quickly?  Is it wrong to want the best?  Believe the answer to that question is a resounding NO.  There’s nothing wrong in wanting the best, but you have to know where to draw the line between watching too many romance flicks and facing the realities of life.

Every woman/man wants someone who will complement them where they are lacking and under no circumstance should any woman compromise this just because she wants to get married; we all know where that will lead to: A DIVORCE.

Now, in searching for our supposed Mr. Right, there are basic things to watch out for: Is he hard working?  Honest?  Focused?  God-fearing?  Respectful?  Does he encourage your dreams?  Is he one who constantly puts you down?  Does he ask for your opinion on things?  Does he carry you along on things?  These are just some of the things one should look out for in a life partner.  Don't get me wrong o, there’s nothing wrong in wanting a handsome ,rich and sexy looking guy, but should those be his only qualities?  Is it enough to marry a person based on their physical attributes?

 A colleague of mine who got married a couple of months ago is currently bemoaning the fact that his wife practically has no idea of what to do with a home.  When I asked him why he married her, he said he was captivated by her beauty, so I told him to stop complaining and enjoy his beautiful wife.  And that's where most of us women get it wrong, we wait so long in the hope that some handsome and extremely rich prince will come and sweep us off our feet, that we wake up one morning and realize that we are 35 and still single, with no clue as to how or why we are still single, if you find yourself in this category, then you really need to re-assess and  re-prioritize your qualities in a man(Onyinye take note, though am not yet 35 sha).secondly, we really should stop looking for MR PERFECT.  He doesn't exist, Mr. perfect is the man i described in my last post, and i don't think any copies of such guys still exist in our world of today, they have all gone into extinction, rather, we should look for someone whose faults we can live with (after all, every man comes with a little fault, not from the manufacturer sha), but whatever you do, don’t settle for less.

Now don't get it twisted, am not saying one should not look for a handsome guy-God knows I pray for one daily-but there should be more beyond his looks.  Most times when you meet a man, you just go "I can’t marry him" or "I will love to marry him".  Why is that?  We are repelled/attracted by what we see, but it shouldn't end there, we should get to know him either ways and that should be the deciding factor, not his looks.  some of us have a checklist or quadrants (as one of my readers said)that we use to score men, but sometimes, we need to go outside our box, from experience sef, I've found out that most good looking guys are poorly behaved, so after a while with them you begin to wonder what you ever saw in them.

learn to look beyond the physical and you will find out that you begin to see people in a whole new light, give that guy a chance and there just might be a ring on your finger soon(Tavia, I see you, give that guy a chance) *winks*.  And as one of my readers said, we should constantly ask ourselves this “are you worthy to be called someone's miss perfect?" that should be food for thought for the ladies"(Yetunde i hear you)

Lastly, don't snub anyone because you feel they have nothing to offer, or there's no connection.  You have got to give it time, open your heart and let fate take its course; I believe that you should find someone you can grow into love, wealth and happiness with instead of finding instant love.

Kisses.

My Mr Perfect

I just thought of how I want my future husband to look like: tall-at least six ft- dark, as in deep chocolate cream colour, well built, flat stomach -no pouch or sagging heap of flesh- someone who can lift me up and hold me for at least five minutes, I want him to be as handsome as sin, have the sexiest smile ever and a little dimple when he smiles. I don’t want a beautiful man, I’d rather he be ruggedly handsome and exude male sexiness everywhere he goes. I want a patient man who will tolerate all my eccentricities with his sexy smile and deep chuckle. I want an attentive man (I love attention a lot), I want him to be caring, not overly possessive or emotional, a great cook who doesn't mind cooking occasionally, and did I mention he has to be well built? He should be playful but serious and hardworking, with a great sense of humour and a perfect command of English. He should be faithful, and most importantly, he should have money, not necessarily plenty, but enough to take care of our needs. Perfect right? Well that’s what I want and I am betting a whole lot of other girls want this too. There's just one tinny tiny problem here, I don’t know if these kind of men exist or where to find them even if they existed. Anyways, every girl has a right to her dreams, and this is mine. So am going to continue dreaming, until he comes and sweeps me off my feet! Some people might think am crazy to even think of this, but is it so wrong to want something this good? or to wish yourself the best? Abi who no like better thing? Next week, we will look at some of the dangers of wanting and waiting for this kind of men (who most probably do not exist), and why a lot of women are still single.

Winning God's Heart

Today we are talking THANKSGIVING.something happened at work and i was struck by the importance of saying "THANK YOU". Do you realize how little we give thanks to GOD,and how much we demand from him. We never actually stop to just say "thank you lord"! most of us do not know that that is the cause of so many unanswered prayers. We have been given so much by God and we never think to even appreciate him,even if its just a little. The fact that we wake up every morning is enough reason to give thanks to God.
I just imagined I was God,to see how I would feel,I know I would have stopped giving people stuffs tey tey sef! I remember a neighbor I had in school back then,Vera. she could beg,mehn,she could beg! At first I had no problem with giving her stuffs o,she begs for water,maggi,rice,salt and crayfish and then after giving her,she would say in her edo accent"abeg make I just quickly borrow that your stove take arrange the rice". that in itself was not a problem,it was the fact that she never said thank you that had me all riled up,she always felt it was her right to be given things whenever she asked for it and the funny thing was that she got really angry whenever one said no to her,eventually,I totally stopped giving her stuffs,not because I dint have,but because She never seemed to appreciate the little that was given.
That's how we are,after being given so much,we get really angry with God when he seems not to be giving us what we think we need. oh! if we only know how powerful our thanksgiving was: it opens doors and windows in heaven and pours down blessings.
If you watch Yoruba movies,and you've taken note of the praise singers,you would see how important there job is,it softens the king's heart towards his subject and he grants them their wishes probably faster than he would have.
In the words of the late Oliver D'coque "eto dike  na nke'omere eme,ome kwa ozo (pardon my horrible ibo) itsimply means,when you praise/thank a king for what he has done,he does so much more. The same principle goes for God,look am giving you expo on the easiest way to get stuffs from God.(don't tell him i told you o). lets look at biblical examples of what happened when people praised and thanked God
1. the walls of Jericho came down for the Israelite.
2.Jonah was vomited by the fish when he began to thank God.
3. remember the story of the ten lepers that were healed? only one came back to say thank you,and what happened? his sins were forgiven.
These are just a few of what happens when people thank God. you can apply the same principle to your life. try praising and thanking God for  a week,no demands,no asking or begging for anything,just thank him for the ones he has done,i believe he deserves it.
Anyways,this is my own avenue of saying thank you to God,i finally got a laptop(yaayyy) and i promised him the first post I type will be dedicated to him,so join me in thanking God for beautiful things being done in my life!

Language. A barrier in Love and Marriage

For a while now, I've been observing couples who marry partners of different tribes to see if language is a barrier to effective communication in love and marriage.
I recently stumbled across an interesting piece about “language barrier love” by dating coach Jag Carrao. In the article Carrao outlines the pros and cons of being in a relationship where the two people don’t speak the same language. On the face of it, it would seem like a recipe for disaster but Carrao says there are many advantages to having this type of communication gap.

Among them are:
• No man-terrifying “relationship talks.”
• Fewer heated debates (about politics and religion)
• Less ambiguity about date logistics (aware of the language barrier, he nails down date/time/place to avoid any misunderstanding).
• Exotic charm of endearments uttered in a foreign tongue.
• And most importantly: less conversation, more kissing.

Read the complete article here.
I partly agree with Carrao’s opinion that when there is physical chemistry or a spark of mutual interest/curiosity the language barrier can kind of cut through the crap that often exists in dating someone who speaks your native language. But I think eventually the curiosity wears out and then it just becomes really tiring.
Having a language barrier may initially be a fun adventure, but it can mask some serious issues that may come back to haunt the couple down the line. In the initial stages of dating, people are generally on their best behavior. Throw in a language barrier and little things you would’ve easily noticed early on in another relationship with a person who speaks your language, may wind up going unnoticed or swept under the rug. For example, views about women, family, money, etc. Of course a lot of these bigger misunderstandings stem from sociocultural differences, not just the differences in language, but the language barrier may initially cover up these issues.

Let me bring it home. lets look deeply into some of the problems associated wit marrying someone from a different ethnic background from yours in Nigeria. I speak Ibo,so lets assume I marry a Yoruba man. what will we speak at home? Ibo? Yoruba?English? what will our kids speak? I do not understand Yoruba, I am not a fast learner when it comes to languages and if i don't understand Yoruba,what will i teach our kids? if we go to visit relatives,should they speak English because of me? will i keep asking him what they are talking about,or better still,i ll record the whole conversation and get him to translate it to me when i get home. we cant communicate privately in public,i cant communicate to my kids in private when people are there,this to me is one of the most terrible things ever. i remember when we were kids and we had a visitor,my mum could could comfortably tell us a secret or send us on an errand without her guest being the wiser. my neighbor is a classic example of couples with language being a barrier to effective communication. she is an igala woman and he is an ishan man. she does not understand a word of his language and he does not understand hers either,so they speak English even when they shouldn't,they fight in English,they quarrel in English and we hear things we should ordinarily not be privy to. their kids only speak English because the man has refused to let his wife teach them her language and she cant teach them his either.
now lets talk culture differences. my friend is from imo and she wanted to marry someone from Anambra and her father said a big no to that. why? different cultures. as a stranger to a new and totally different culture,one might find himself/herself suffering from culture shock and may find it really difficult to adapt. some of you might be familiar with the movie"not without my daughter" where an American woman who was used to being seen and heard got married to a man from the middle east,she was expected to cover up like their women and basically not be seen or heard. at first,she felt like love was enough to see them through,but eventually even the love cooled off and she was left to face reality.
Some of us find ourselves in situations like this,and most often than not,we feel love is all that matters. personally,i feel there's way more than just love to consider when going into a marriage union. so many other things should be taken into consideration,and this is just one of them.

50 Things you should know about Me

I did this a while ago,and i had to modify it because some of my tastes have changed. so here is me @ a glance. Enjoy.

1. I dig God,HE is d center of my existence,the reason I am alive today.
2. I luv music,all kinds,especially my naija music. They just no how 2 get 2 me.
3. I have over a 200 novels n counting,yeah am crazy about novels,all kinds.(I attend parties with em)
4. I hate exams of any kind. When I become the minister of education, I'll...
5. I can eat rice n stew 24/7.
6. Am extremely beautiful,yeah,i no,i hear it all d time. Lol.
7. Dis is a well guarded secret,i no am going 2 marry peter okoye of psquare (if I ever meet him in dis life time)
8. I luv 3 colors. Black,black n black. My friends think its cos am evil. Lol.
9. I luv having fun,hate dull people!
10. Elders seem to think am rude cos i always look people directly in the eye.(please tell me Whats wrong with that).
11. Its funny,some people think am the most playful person in d world,while some think i don't no d beginning of d word play.
12. I luv singing, I'll probably never be maria carey,but i dey try.
13. My childhood dream was to be d first lady of dis country,well to be one am gonna need a president. Yet to find him.
14. I once thought i was heart broken,but i got over it d next day.(does it count?)
15. I luv meat,but i have to reduce it 4 fear of gout!
16. Nothing turns me off in a guy like bad English,its disgusting,especially wen he thinks he's just IT!
17. I hate it wen guys think they r God's gift 2 women just cos they're fine. Its crazy!
18. Before i hang out wit a guy,he must be fine,a sharp dresser n wit a sense of humour!
19. I have a perfect picture of my future husband,in case d peter plan fails. Lol.
20. I luv jeans,i wear it 2 school,work,everywhere. I have all kinds of em. I luv whoever invented jeans!
21. I hate maths and anything related to it!
22. I totally hate school,i think its a means created to waste d first 24yrs of our lives!
23. My greatest fashion statement is my makeup,n my hair.
24. I like money.(yeah say wot u want,who doesn't like it)
25. Am not really into jewelries,actually am not into em at all.
26. I luv d simple things of life!
27. Am very photogenic n i have d best smile ever because of my very sexy lips!
28. I luv kids,gonna have loads of them. Lol.
29. I don't do flowers,so guys don't waste your money,buy me credit instead.*winks*
30. I've always wanted 2 visit Venice n Malaysia.
31. I never forget birthdays,so i wonder how people always forget mine. Na wah o!(its October 18,just in case your wondering)
32. I luv taking long walks,it helps clear my head.(i heard its exercise)
33. I HATE ONIONS.
34. I think am romantic. If d mood is right.
35. Am hydrophobic.
36. I have 3 teddies. I don't think they'll want their names made public,they're kinda shy.
37. Am not as stubborn as i like to think i am,although people think otherwise.
38. I like romantic guys.(yeah i no, i no,dis shit is over rated),and he should be occasionally spontaneous.(note d occasionally).
39. I don't do ice cream,its kinda too cold,i really don't see wot d attraction is anyway,its just water,colour n sugar!
40. I hate work,am kinda  lazy.
41. I absolutely cannot do without my phone,no sir!
42. I rarely get angry,i guess am jus really nice.
43. Am a very gud listener.
44. I dey speak english die,i mean wot do ya expect,i studied d language for 4 yrs!
45. I hate Osaze Odemnwingie. he was supposed to be my future husband,then he went and married some white girl. *hiss*
46. I totally do not do alcohol.
47. I hate ironing,dats why i wear jeans n tops. They do not really require ironing.
48. I get bored easily.
49. Am going to become a star,its not an option!
50. I totally rep Naija. Yes boss!

Ps: arsenal rocks!

MAKING COMPROMISES IN RELATIONSHIPS

Hello again, my topic today is one that has been on my mind for a while now and I decided to share with you.

A little intro: girl likes to read novels a lot and likes her rice really soft. Girl meets boy, boy does not like novels, does not like soft rice. Girl totally stops reading novels even though it makes her unhappy. Girl starts cooking rice half-done even though she hates it. Boy is happy and none the wiser. Girl is unhappy but trying to please boy.

So here is what I am asking, why do people loose themselves and their self essence in the hope of keeping their partners happy? Specifically why do women loose themselves in trying to keep their men happy? Before the men begin to crucify me, I am not writing from a feminist angle. I’ve observed relationships and also from my own experiences, I’ve seen that it is mostly women who are affected by this.

A friend of mine loves to wear skirts, she had all kinds and she barely made up. She is a really beautiful girl (not up to me o). Then she met this guy. One day she came to my house wearing jean trousers and fully made up, I almost didn’t recognize her. When I asked her what on earth she thought she was doing, she said, “It’s how Tayo (not real name) likes me to dress “. Throughout the duration of her stay, I noticed how uncomfortable she was and I had to ask her if Tayo put a gun to her head and forced her to dress like that, she said she was doing it to please him, even though she hated it. I was stunned. I asked her if Tayo knew about how she felt dressed like that and she said he did, but he liked girls who wore trousers and were fully made up with the nails and eyelashes properly in place. Anyways, I felt she was exaggerating, I mean, when he saw her was she not wearing a skirt? Was she not without make up? But I still told her not to lose herself in pleasing him.

Two days later, I was supposed to go to the movies with them, so I went over to her house and Tayo was there. After she had finished dressing-in jean trousers and a top I knew she was not comfortable in – Tayo looked at her as if to say aren’t you forgetting something? She had just on a little powder and a light lipstick, infront of me, she actually pleaded with him to let her keep her light make up and he sulkily agreed, but you could see the petulant look on his face, so she had to go back in and apply the full works of mascara and the likes. When she was in the house, I tried talking to Tayo about it, and his reply? “I like girls like that”. Where do you see that relationship heading? My friend is always going to hate herself whenever she goes out with him, but she will stick with him and ENDURE! I told my colleagues at work the next day and some of them said so what? It’s a small change and she should be willing to do that if she loves him. It usually starts from there, she changes her dressing, her religion, the types of food she eats and maybe at some point, her sex, if he so pleases!

Now, I am somebody who believes in compromise, I believe we all go into a relationship with our own quirks and so should be able to make compromises to accommodate the other person’s eccentricities to a certain extent. Should some changes be made? Definitely, it stops being just you, so you need to change some habits where necessary. But should you lose yourself and all you stand for? HELL NO!

Sometimes in a relationship, you realize that there is nothing left of you because you have changed totally just to accommodate one who isn’t even willing to make one little concession for you. Why I said it applies mostly to women is they have the hard time of it trying to show a man that they are “wife material” so they blindly assent to whatever he says, and at the end you don’t even know who you are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the men aren’t bothered. Do you not want to know the real her? Do you not want to know what she likes too? Do you not believe in compromise?

Well the women are not free from blame too because they act like it’s no biggie while they are unhappy deep down. Why not tell him that you don’t like making up or wearing skirts or trousers? What makes you think he won’t accept you for you? Why can’t you stand firm and let him know that some things cannot and should not be changed? Why act the martyr in the name of love?

I remember a movie I watched years ago, some of might be familiar with it. “The runaway bride”, featuring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. There was a scene where he asked her how she liked her eggs, she said scrambled just because he likes it scrambled. After quizzing her for a while, he found out that her choice of egg depended on the choice of whatever boyfriend she had at the moment. She had actually forgotten that she had a right to like it differently. Does that sound familiar? Does that sound like you? If yes, then you need to go on a self discovery journey before it’s too late. There are some things about you that should NOT be touched!

Personally, I love to read novels a lot, I actually have over 200 and counting, I hate onions and I want to be buried in jeans. Yes, I love jeans that much. So if I meet a guy who hates jeans, am I supposed to stop wearing them? Seriously? I could reduce how much I wear them, but stop??? NO. I could start liking onions (I don’t even want to think about it) but don’t expect me to start drinking garri with it.

Finally, I am not saying we should stubbornly refuse to change anything for fear of losing oneself, there should be room for change on both ends, but the most important thing is to still retain that thing that makes you to be you, to still retain your essence!

My Weight And I! 2

Continued from 1...

Then I began to fast seriously, and yes I did manage to shed a few pounds, but as usual I piled it back on immediately I finished the fast. I think God knew I was doing it for the wrong reason and he decided to punish me. Then I registered for dance lessons which seemed to work for a while, until my body got used to it and adjusted itself to my routine, then my treacherous body stopped losing weight. Let’s not even talk about all d time I spent in the toilet throwing up everything I ate.
In a final and desperate attempt, I usually willed myself to fall ill so I could lose a few pounds. Crazy right? Well I dint think so back. I still remember when I had malaria and typhoid and I lost so much weight that people barely even recognized me, I was insanely happy. I was on cloud nine! The sad thing is that I piled it all back on in less than a week. How you may ask? Well, remember my creation story? I left out one part. He used a very fertile soil to create me-loamy soil. So anytime I am depleted, well the soil does its job and back I go!
These are just some of the stuffs I did to lose weight, but something struck me ,in all the while that I lost all that tremendous weight, I seemed to lose my essence, I wasn’t me any longer, people began to ask if I was ill or something was wrong with me. This led me to realize something, we are all created in the image and likeness of God, and we are all beautiful and unique in our own way without trying to change who we are to please the world. Now when I think of d foolish things I did just to lose weight, I shake my head at all the time wasted. Who decides what we should look like? The society? Do we have to pander to the whims and dictates of the society? The answer is a resounding NO! I make the most of who I am now, I have built my self confidence to an unshakeable level and I realized that was the major thing missing in my life. I realized that immediately I stopped trying to change who I was, I felt good about myself. I exercise as much as I can, I have toned the fat in me to muscles and even though am not a size six, I am a happy and contented size ten (its 12 sha, but let’s leave it at ten) I know I might never be a model (sad face) and I’ve made my peace with that. I take good care of myself and always look the best I can. It doesn’t bother me anymore when people refer to me as that fat girl, because I know there’s more to me than that.

Now don’t get it twisted o, I am not saying one should stop taking care of themselves, am just saying there should be a limit to how hard you try. Stay as healthy as u can and work on your self confidence and you will be surprised at how well and healthy you begin to feel. If you are one of those people who judges a book by its cover (which I am also guilty of) then stop and try to see something else in them beyond their weight.
Lastly, in case you are looking for, or know someone who is looking for a fat and extremely beautiful model, you know where to find one! #winks#

My Weight and I!

     So I am trying real hard to work on my weight, but its having the adverse effect on me. I keep piling it on like butter on bread. I saw this malnourished looking girl (yeah call me jealous) and she was eating or rather wolfing down bars of chocolate, and I hated her instantly! Before I tell you the reason, let me tell you a little about my body.

    It was created on a Friday morning. You see, God had created the required amount of people for the week, and he had to minimize the clay (abi is it dust sef) so that he wouldn’t run short, so on that beautifully glorious and sexy Friday morning when he was about to create me, he realized he had excess clay left so he piled it on me ,hence my sexy, curvaceous and full body. The thing is, he kinda left space for more fat to be added in the course of my life’s journey. Because of this, if I think of food, I add weight. If I see food, I add weight. Now imagine what happens when I actually eat. It’s really annoying because I am the only fat one in my family, my parents and siblings are all slim. So you can see why it’s really annoying to see slim people who never seem to add weight, while I am constantly struggling with mine. You now know why I hated the girl abi?

    Anyways, let’s get serious, my topic today or question is: should people be judged by their weight? I have always been chubby, and I have always been known as “that fat girl” and it’s really annoying, I mean why am I not “that brilliant girl” or “that extremely beautiful girl” (which I am by the way) and I always felt like I was being judged too harshly. I always hated to be reminded of my weight, and it was always a sore topic for me.

   Back in the days, I went through a whole lot just to lose weight; I even cringe right now to think of some of the stupidly insane things I had done in a bid to lose weight and slim to fashion. I always wanted to be a model, so I felt I had to look like I just came out of a Russian concentration camp to be a model, I had to have my bones sticking out left right and centre, every morning I’d wake up and go to the mirror to see if my bones where sticking out more, and rejoice if I thought they were. I ingested some amount of drugs that were supposed to make me “thin”. I had a friend who worked in a pharmacy and supplied me slimming drugs, but I didn’t know they were just placebos and they had no real work, so I happily ingested them.

   Next, I went on a rampage and registered in every gym in Jos, then I got tired after 2 weeks of constant gyming and no visible weight loss. So I joined my friend who was on a starvation diet, she had Lipton for breakfast, a quarter of a pack of indomie for lunch and a glass of wine for dinner. That also dint last because, I mean like seriously? Lipton and wine?? I wasn’t trying to kill myself, so I stopped. I am not even going to talk of the slimming teas!

To be continued...

The marriage craze

THE MARRIAGE CRAZE

A couple of days ago, a girlfriend of mine called me and said she was getting married. After I heard the good news, I had to pause for a while and look at my life, and I realized my biological clock was ticking away loud and clear. I am older than she is by a couple of years so naturally I was worried – just a little bit though- that I was getting old, but I consoled myself with the fact that I am still young, so there is still time for me, I mean, what’s the hurry right??

After speaking with her and reflecting a little on my life, I decided to call a couple of friends together so we could meet and make arrangement towards the wedding. When we met I saw such forlorn faces that I had to ask if somebody was dead. The general response I got was that they were getting really old, and time wasn’t on their side anymore, yet there was no man in the picture. One of them actually said she was tired of her life. It was a meeting full of lamentation. Funny enough none of these women are up to forty years. These are women who are financially independent and very successful in their various jobs and here they were feeling so miserable about the absence of a man in their lives. One of them actually said she had started asking men out instead of waiting for men to do the asking. At this stage though I had to disagree with her, there is no way I am asking a man out no matter how old I get. You can call me old fashioned or a prude, I still hold on to that opinion.

It got me thinking, what is it about being single that got these beautiful and successful women into feeling so miserable? Is it because we are in a society that frowns at a woman being single once she hits a certain age? Or Is it because some women just can’t help feelling unfulfilled without a man.?

This marriage craze has made so many women go into marriage with their eyes closed. They marry the first person that says hi to them just so that they will join the trend of married women and the end result is always a disaster. Of course they suffer silently because it would be a shame to actually come out and admit there was a problem with their marriages. It has become a kind of game of “who will get married first”.

I have a friend who had that mentality, and she was determined to get married at all cost. In January 2010, her New Year resolution was to get married before the end of the year. At this time, she had no boyfriend, not to talk of a fiancé, but she did not see that as an obstacle, she said she would get pregnant if she had to, just to get married. By December of 2010, there was still no boyfriend in the picture, and she almost committed suicide. She is just 31years old.

A colleague of mine at work said she had so many people asking her when she was getting married, that she was almost tempted to grab the first man she saw on the street and marry him. Just to keep people off her back. Now when asked, she just tells them that she can’t marry herself, so when there is someone to marry her, she will let them know. A friend’s parents actually threatened to disown her if she was not married by the age of 33.

So many women suffer emotionally and psychologically because they are still single at a certain age. Funny enough, i have met women who have no interest in marriage, at least for now, and they are doing very well for themselves.

So the question today is this: should women have to go through so much worry because they are single? Isn’t this marriage thing a little overrated? And most importantly, should women continue to torture themselves just because a man has not realized the extremely priceless jewels that they are?