Friday, July 20, 2012

Long Distance Relationships

I was speaking with a friend of mine who said he had not seen his girlfriend in over a year-he's here in Lagos and she is in Jos-and that they were gradually becoming strangers, they barely had anything to say to each other when they spoke on the phone, said he was gradually forgetting what she looked like and was losing interest in the relationship.  I perfectly understood where he was coming from, because personally don't do long distance relationships either.  It’s usually stressful and very difficult to maintain and the tendency for it to fail is high, although to be fair, quite a number of them are successful.  Now when I say long distance, I don't mean Surulere to Island o, I mean inter-state or country.

Funny enough though, I’ve met people who actually prefer LDR to having their partners around, they feel they can "breathe" better without having their partners constantly afoot, They are free to conduct their personal business without questions, and then there's the thrill of re-uniting after a long period apart.  As Ii said earlier, me o, I don't like LDR at all, I’ve been in a couple of them and, yes, they failed.  Here are my reasons I feel LDR is doomed to fail:

Firstly, I know people say "Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but me I say "Out of sight is out of mind".  this is because not seeing one constantly, you realize that you begin to grow apart, you don't talk as regularly as you used to, sometimes, you might not even have anything to say to each other. a colleague of mine left to another place, and I missed him a lot, because we were pretty close, with time though, I began to realize I rarely thought of him, not that we stopped being friends, but we kind of lost that closeness. The same thing applies in a relationship, when you see each other regularly, you share tidbits of what happened during the day, you look forward to seeing them and hearing about their day, it’s usually not the same with talking on the phone.

Secondly, trust issues begins to arise. I know we are supposed to trust our partners’ unconditionally-abi is it love sef-but sometimes, you can’t help but not trust them.  When you are in an LDR, u can’t monitor their activities, you don't know what they are doing, if and when they are lying and if they are actually being faithful.  Every time you call and they don't answer, your mind goes into overdrive mode and you begin to imagine all sorts of things.  Furthermore, you don't learn about someone’s character from talking on the phone and sending pictures via BB, these are things you learn from constant interaction.  Have you ever tried settling relationship disputes over the phone?  Gosh!  It’s one of the most frustrating things ever, you are conscious of airtime, you both cant shout at the same time, heck, you don't even know if they are being sincere or not
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Next, we meet people every day and gradually, innocent friendship begins to develop where it ordinarily should not.  At first you tell yourself it’s no big deal, after all it’s not like your being unfaithful or anything, but we all know how it is, it always starts innocently then graduates to something else. Then look at the cost of keeping in touch, if you are not working, you realize that the cost of constantly crediting your phone is telling on your pocket, and somehow, it always falls on one person to do all the calling.  Eventually, you become tired and give up entirely.

One of my friend's major problem is that he has not had sex in awhile and he thinks its unhealthy for a guy to go a long time without sex. Seriously???  ( Roger, stop walking by and tell me if it’s true). So many guys hold on to that excuse, but hey, what do I know.

Finally, I love to cuddle, I am a very cuddly person and there's just so much that a teddy bear can do, so if you’re not around to cuddle...well that's just a deal breaker!

Anyway, LDR can be made to work, so long as you don't stay apart for too long.  make it a habit of visiting at least once in 4 months, so you don't lose that thing that hold you together...and you don't forget what your partner looks like.