Sunday, October 28, 2012

Signs That Your Relationship Could be in Danger.

Call them "love blinders" or whatever you want, but oftentimes, if you're in an unhealthy relationship, it's hard to see and admit that fact. Whether you choose to break up or work on improving things, the first step to achieving your potential happiness is recognizing that things aren't how they should be. The red flags of an unhealthy relationship have been weighed, and what you should know not to stand for:

1. You Feel Limited in Your Own Potential
Unhealthy relationships stifle one another's growth and see the growth of each individual as a threat to the relationship. If you have a partner who is threatened by your desire to pursue higher learning or to go after a promotion to a more challenging position at work, a partner who puts you down when you express your opinions, ideas, or preferences, or generally derides them as "stupid" or "foolish," this is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

It's important to be with a partner who brings out the best in us, and to feel comfortable being the best version of ourselves with that person.

2. You Feel Anxious or Always At Fault
If you are always anxious about what your partner is doing or how they feel for you, this will eat away at the relationship and your own sense of self. It's important to determine what the root of the anxiety is-is it your own insecurities and unresolved issues or is your partner behaving poorly and giving you good reason to feel anxious all the time? If it's the latter, this needs to be addressed.

Is your partner constantly making you feel guilty for any slight misstep? When you try to confront your partner about something they did, do they find a way to turn it around and make you feel badly? It is important that both parties can take responsibilities for their actions and that there is an even distribution of power.

3. You're Investing More
If someone tells you that they are interested in a relationship but their actions do not match their words, that is important information. This person may have commitment or intimacy issues, and you can address them and see if change occurs. Be mindful if you find yourself continuously attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable. Perhaps you do not feel you are worthy of receiving love, or maybe you are afraid to let someone truly see you.

All relationships require effort by both parties. Unequal effort = unhealthy relationship. If your partner isn't putting equal effort into making the relationship work, the potential lifespan of your relationship is limited…Furthermore, if you are the one doing most of the work you are going to end up feeling resentful and exhausted.

4. You're in a Relationship with Who Your Partner Could Be, Not Who They Are Now
One of the things I hear most often from people who stayed in unhealthy relationships too long is, "I just kept waiting for my partner to change but they never did and eventually I just couldn't take it anymore." Just because we love and care about someone doesn't mean they are right for us…There may be some minor things that annoy us that can be worked on to alter the relationship in a positive direction, but for the most part your partner should not violate any of your deal-breakers. Instead of wasting time waiting around for your partner to change, get out there and meet other people who better fit what you are looking for.

5. You Can't Express Yourself Authentically
Some types of unhealthy relationships are characterized by silent desperation borne of a fear of expressing ones true self, a kind of conflict avoidance in extreme. These couples do not suffer from contemptuousness as much as they suffer from a genuine warmth and intimacy; there is a sense of coldness and distance that characterizes this type of unhealthy relationship that stems from a distrust that the other person can really accept them for who they are, or that the relationship can tolerate conflict of any kind.

6. There's Physical, Verbal or Emotional Abuse
No one has the right to hurt, demean, humiliate, or threaten you. No matter what your partner may promise you this behavior is likely to continue. For your own safety and well-being you need to leave the relationship as soon as possible. Leaving a harmful relationship can be very difficult because the abuse comprises our own sense of worth.

Monday, October 22, 2012

7 Types of Men To Avoid!!!

I was going through a blog "naijapals", and I saw this, its pretty funny but still accurate if I may say so myself. Enjoy.

At first glance, he seems like Mr. Absolutely Right.  He sweeps you off your cynical feet with nice dinners, roses, thoughtful gestures.  The sex is incredible.  You want to introduce him to your mom. But before you fall hook, line and sinker, stop! He could be one of these 7 dating mistakes. Plus, for added insurance, find out if you’re dating a loser because Some men are master anglers. Once you’re hooked, you’ll invest your love, soul, money and, possibly, valuable childbearing years before realizing – too late – they don’t do happily ever after. In the end, they’ll break your heart, shatter your ego and frustrate the heck out of you. Though these bad boys may be hard to spot, they send out subtle clues that they’re relationship kryptonite. Read on for the 7 types of men to avoid… and how to spot them before they reel you in.

1. Mr. Perennial Bachelor
This guy’s well-mannered, smart, attractive, witty, successful, and his kisses melt you like ice cream in July. You can’t believe that some woman haven’t walked him down the aisle long ago. Even if you approach him with caution, his charm and persistence probably will win you over. Then, just when you start considering whether to take his name or hyphenate, he’ll peel out of the relationship faster than a NASCAR driver, leaving skid marks on your heart. How he’ll lure you in: Ask about his perpetual bachelorhood, and he’ll tell you he just hasn’t found Mrs. Right yet. The unspoken suggestion? You could be her. But dating Mr. Perennial Bachelor is a fool’s journey because there is no right woman and never will be. “Women always think, ‘I’ll be the one,’”  “But if no one has been right, you probably won’t be either.”Spot him before you’re hooked: He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family, which means he’s in no hurry to fully integrate you into his life. But the biggest giveaway is that his last significant relationship was back in college and every relationship since has lasted only a few months at most. Around the time you’re expecting your relationship to shift into serious, he’s putting it in reverse. “If a man hasn’t gotten married by the time he’s 50, he’s probably not going to,

2. Mr. Merry-Go-Round
Unlike Mr. Perennial Bachelor, this guy’s all about getting married. Unfortunately, he treats marriage like a luxury car lease – and you can be sure that in a few years he’ll be ready to trade you in for a newer model.“The relationship is over when the romance is gone, Mr. Merry-Go-Round hasn’t figured out that all passion cools naturally, and when his does, he’ll blame you.“He’ll say, ‘You weren’t the right one because when I find the right one, I’ll stay in this infatuated euphoria forever. How he’ll lure you in: He’s a virtuoso romancer, so dating him is like being on a permanent honeymoon. Plus, the fact that he’s been married before suggests that he’s not afraid of commitment. If you’ve been dating men who can’t even whisper the “M” word, someone who’s practically sprinting down the aisle and introducing you as the future Mrs. So-and-So is certainly seductive. Spot him before you’re hooked: Find out exactly how many times he’s been married. If he’ll soon outpace Liz Taylor – and his brides are getting younger  that should stop you or at least make you pause.“If he’s been married two, three or four times, there’s a good chance that he could be married two or three or four more times,”  Another indicator: If you suggest slowing things down, he gets impatient because you’re getting in the way of his next acquisition you.“This is someone who’s used to getting what he wants, ”You become the thing he wants.”If you decide to take the plunge, at least make sure get a fair pre-nup.

3. Mr. No-Money Bags
He has champagne tastes on a beer budget and a walk-in closet full of financial skeletons. But that doesn’t bother him because he also has a preternatural ability to get into women’s wallets as well as their beds. He’s counting on you to keep him in the style to which he hopes to become accustomed.“He looks for the financially well-off woman so he can mooch off her. How he’ll lure you in: He’ll play on your natural affinity for nurturing and caretaking. It’s like stumbling onto a beautiful, crumbling Victorian house: You see past the sagging floors and peeling paint and envision how magnificent it could be. You figure a little “investment” will pay off big for both of you. Besides, what’s a little money when he’s the man of your dreams?

4. Mr. Mama’s Boy
He’s sweet, affectionate and understanding. Unfortunately, he’s still hung up on another woman – his mother. Not exactly the threesome you might have had in mind. Mom still influences his professional decisions, his investment portfolio, where he lives, who he votes for. Project into the future and you can count on her influencing everything from where you buy a home to how you raise your children. And if you push him to choose sides, guess who loses? Yep, that would be you. How he’ll lure you in: Any man who loves his mother will know how to treat a woman, right?“If you’ve been involved with guys who've been great in romancing you, but haven't had an emotional connection and then you meet someone who cares about how women feel, that can be really attractive. Spot him before you’re hooked: He compares you to his mother and you come up short every time. The real test may come around Valentine’s Day: If you’re alone with a box of chocolates because he’s taken Mom out for a candlelit dinner, cut him loose because At the most intimate level of his heart, he still loves Mom as much or more than you.

5. Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome
Though he’s in his 30s or 40s, at heart Mr. Peter Pan Syndrome is still a frat boy. Life’s a nonstop, movable kegger and he’s the affable host. He’s on a first-name basis with all the bartenders in town, thinks 401k refers to computer stuff and is always ready for a trip to Las Vegas. But if you run into hard times say, you’re in a serious car accident or you lose your job he’ll be way, way out of his depth. Difficult situations aren’t in his repertoire, and when the going gets tough, you’ll be going it alone. How he’ll lure you in: His spontaneity and sense of adventure bring out the kid in you. He’s the one who convinces you to go parasailing in Cancun or ditch work for an afternoon at the ballpark. Spot him before you’re hooked: He’s managed to dodge major responsibilities. By now, his buddies are entrenched with mortgages, marriages, even babies, but he’s still footloose. When it comes to dating, “let’s keep things light” is this guy’s mantra. Peter Pans eventually do grow up into perennial bachelors.

6. Mr. Egomaniac
He’s brilliant, accomplished and has an unflagging belief in his own infallibility. “You never see him waffling or agonizing about a decision, He’s extremely decisive because the world revolves around him. On the rare occasion when he’s not 100% right, he won’t take it well if you point it out. He may want an accomplished woman, but not one so successful that you eclipse his glory. He may even undercut your success. He might embarrass you at an office party or run you down in front of colleagues in the guise of “being funny.” When you complain, he’ll accuse you of being too sensitive. How he’ll lure you in: His confidence is irresistible.“He’s got that Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, macho inner strength that’s really appealing, Spot him before you’re hooked: He never tires of talking about himself or the things he’s interested in. There’s no give and take, just his lecturing. “He doesn’t care what you have to say,He may listen, but only long enough to prepare for his next persuasive statement. Another giveaway: He surrounds himself with sycophants, but has few real friends. “If you’re not a good listener or you only want to talk about yourself, the only people who are going to be around you are submissive people.

7. Mr. Control Freak
Going out with this man is like dating a boa constrictor. At first, his embrace may seem warm and secure. But before long, you’ll be suffocating. It’ll start with going to the restaurants he chooses, seeing the movies he picks, hanging out with his friends. But eventually he tries to dictate everything, from what you wear to how you spend your free time.“He’s trying to get you to be who you’re not, “One day you wake up, and you’re like, ‘Where did I go? I don’t even know what I like to eat anymore!.  How he’ll lure you in: All this attention is certainly flattering. After all, he must really love you if he’s so concerned about you, takes such care of you and wants to be with you all the time, right? Spot him before you’re hooked: He insists on orchestrating all your dates and tells you how to dress or act around his friends. Even if you’ve only been on a few dates, he phones frequently and has memorized your schedule. He’s suspicious of any relationship you have with any other guy. He expects you to agree with him, and if you don’t, he tries to persuade you you’re wrong. Run – don’t walk – away. With a control freak, you have to give up more and more of your separate experiences, separate activities, separate friends, “And then it goes deeper to separate thoughts and feelings until you're emotionally micromanaged. And that’ll kill you.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

Finally it has arrived! The best day in the whole year, yes its my birthdayBirthday Wishes and I am very happy to see this day, I am really thankful to God for keeping me alive till today. Well a little downside,  I was diagnosed with severe typhoid and malaria yesterdayCrying 2, so I am a little under the weather, but even that is not going bring me down today.

 What am I doing today? NOTHING! After work, I just want to hit my bed and sleep till tomorrow, I don’t feel like partying or hanging out or doing whatever it is that people expect one to do on their birthdays, I feel like being on my own today. Funny enough, some of my colleagues at work had this ‘is something wrong with you ‘ look when I told them I was going home to sleep after work, its almost like a ritual to go somewhere on your birthday, well I am breaking it today.

Anyway, I am really excited about today because I am going to receive a special birthday gift todayBounce, on my last post, I partially reviewed a book  a heart to mend by myne Whitman, I said partially because I am yet to read the book,  I said I wished I it could be given to me as part of my birthday gift. Myne Whitman read the review and promised to send me a copy of the book herself, how cool is that!You Are The Woman So I am getting my own personal copy of the book.

Birthday shout outs to wande coal and every other person who celebrates their birthday today!Birthday Candles

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Book Review: Myne Whitman's "A Heart to Mend"

I grew up reading mills and boons and all those other over-rated romance novels, and by the age of 15, I had read every Danielle steel novel ever written (really I have).  At that age, I had gotten fed up with all of them because from the first page one could deduce what it was all about, either a cowboy who is so handsome that the sight of him would make you swoon, or the business tycoon with the sexiest body on earth and the bluest eyes ever that would just make you go gaga, heck, I felt if that was all it took, I could write a dozen of them in a sitting.

I eventually gave up reading romance novels because I felt if you have read one, then you’ve read all. Then I came across one that restored my faith in romance, one with a totally different setting  and a whole new perspective…”evbu my love” by Helen obviagheli, it was like a breath of fresh air, it was Nigerian, it was one I could relate to and even imagine myself in, it was different, it was good. Since then, I believe I have read every book she has ever written and I loved them. 

I am a romantic at heart and I can never get enough of it which is why I was thrilled beyond reason when I saw a review of the book “A heart to mend” by Myne Whitman, it’s so beautiful that I had to share it with you.  Here’s a peek of it:

 Gladys, twenty-something, has just moved to Lagos after completing her compulsory one-year National Youth Service in Enugu. She has secured an interview and test with a company in Lagos and has been invited by her estranged aunt to live with her. Edward, thirty-something self-made business tycoon, is instantly attracted to Gladys the first time he sets eyes on her. But there's a problem, Mr. Ice does not give his heart to anyone - he's had a bad past and doesn't trust anyone with his heart - but his attraction to Gladys makes him want to be around her, and have her.

They eventually get together, but Gladys and Edward have a few hiccups in the beginning of their relationship - he's closed and doesn't share much about his past; he wants to have sex, and she's not giving it up that easily Mister; he's rich and she's poor, so is she all about the money - but with time he begins to open up and Gladys is able to melt his stone-cold heart. Just when you think Gladys and Edwards relationship is going well and nothing can stop them, Edwards past comes up to ruin it all, with Gladys in the middle of it all. With his self-made business on the line, as well as his and Gladys relationship, will their love survive such an obstacle?

Lovely right?  So here’s the thing ,I want this book for my birthday! Yeah I said it, it’s in five days time,  that’s on the 18th so I am hoping a very kind hearted person would make my day and get me the book. Meanwhile, go get it for yourself.  You can also check out her blog romance meets life
You can read a free excerpt from her blog HERE

you can also buy this book as eBook or print on Amazon, and eBook only on Smashwords

Friday, October 5, 2012

My Divine Revelation!

Yay!  My neighbours finally came to their senses and renewed their internet connection, so my awuff has returned in full force.  I just got back from church now, we had a program in church which we usually have every first Friday of the month, it’s titled “showers of blessings” and it really does shower blessings from heaven.

Anyway sha, as we were being prophesied to today, the man of God specifically told us to close our eyes and see what we want God to do for us, and that we should imagine it already happening. so here’s what I imagined and claimed in faith:

I saw myself being at least 10kg lighter and walking down the aisle in a very beautiful wedding dress with Paul of Psquare –Paul is the one with dreads – on our wedding day, and then I also saw myself working in a better place than my current work place. 

Immediately I saw this divine revelation from above, I claimed it sharp sharp, but one girl like that just wanted to spoil  my revelation o, when I told her what I saw she started laughing like I was akpors and I had told her a joke.  Can you just imagine the effrontery?  Is she trying to say that it cannot happen?  Am I too beautiful for Paul?Or what is she trying to say? you know that song " Beautiful Onyinye" Beating Heartright? it was sung for me.  let her not try my God o! Woh, me I just told her to watch and see . 

Its pretty late jare, and I need to get  my beauty sleep in preparation for my wedding with Paul.
Do have a beautiful night rest and Sweet dreams.Na-na-na-na