50 Things you should know about Me

I did this a while ago,and i had to modify it because some of my tastes have changed. so here is me @ a glance. Enjoy.

1. I dig God,HE is d center of my existence,the reason I am alive today.
2. I luv music,all kinds,especially my naija music. They just no how 2 get 2 me.
3. I have over a 200 novels n counting,yeah am crazy about novels,all kinds.(I attend parties with em)
4. I hate exams of any kind. When I become the minister of education, I'll...
5. I can eat rice n stew 24/7.
6. Am extremely beautiful,yeah,i no,i hear it all d time. Lol.
7. Dis is a well guarded secret,i no am going 2 marry peter okoye of psquare (if I ever meet him in dis life time)
8. I luv 3 colors. Black,black n black. My friends think its cos am evil. Lol.
9. I luv having fun,hate dull people!
10. Elders seem to think am rude cos i always look people directly in the eye.(please tell me Whats wrong with that).
11. Its funny,some people think am the most playful person in d world,while some think i don't no d beginning of d word play.
12. I luv singing, I'll probably never be maria carey,but i dey try.
13. My childhood dream was to be d first lady of dis country,well to be one am gonna need a president. Yet to find him.
14. I once thought i was heart broken,but i got over it d next day.(does it count?)
15. I luv meat,but i have to reduce it 4 fear of gout!
16. Nothing turns me off in a guy like bad English,its disgusting,especially wen he thinks he's just IT!
17. I hate it wen guys think they r God's gift 2 women just cos they're fine. Its crazy!
18. Before i hang out wit a guy,he must be fine,a sharp dresser n wit a sense of humour!
19. I have a perfect picture of my future husband,in case d peter plan fails. Lol.
20. I luv jeans,i wear it 2 school,work,everywhere. I have all kinds of em. I luv whoever invented jeans!
21. I hate maths and anything related to it!
22. I totally hate school,i think its a means created to waste d first 24yrs of our lives!
23. My greatest fashion statement is my makeup,n my hair.
24. I like money.(yeah say wot u want,who doesn't like it)
25. Am not really into jewelries,actually am not into em at all.
26. I luv d simple things of life!
27. Am very photogenic n i have d best smile ever because of my very sexy lips!
28. I luv kids,gonna have loads of them. Lol.
29. I don't do flowers,so guys don't waste your money,buy me credit instead.*winks*
30. I've always wanted 2 visit Venice n Malaysia.
31. I never forget birthdays,so i wonder how people always forget mine. Na wah o!(its October 18,just in case your wondering)
32. I luv taking long walks,it helps clear my head.(i heard its exercise)
33. I HATE ONIONS.
34. I think am romantic. If d mood is right.
35. Am hydrophobic.
36. I have 3 teddies. I don't think they'll want their names made public,they're kinda shy.
37. Am not as stubborn as i like to think i am,although people think otherwise.
38. I like romantic guys.(yeah i no, i no,dis shit is over rated),and he should be occasionally spontaneous.(note d occasionally).
39. I don't do ice cream,its kinda too cold,i really don't see wot d attraction is anyway,its just water,colour n sugar!
40. I hate work,am kinda  lazy.
41. I absolutely cannot do without my phone,no sir!
42. I rarely get angry,i guess am jus really nice.
43. Am a very gud listener.
44. I dey speak english die,i mean wot do ya expect,i studied d language for 4 yrs!
45. I hate Osaze Odemnwingie. he was supposed to be my future husband,then he went and married some white girl. *hiss*
46. I totally do not do alcohol.
47. I hate ironing,dats why i wear jeans n tops. They do not really require ironing.
48. I get bored easily.
49. Am going to become a star,its not an option!
50. I totally rep Naija. Yes boss!

Ps: arsenal rocks!

MAKING COMPROMISES IN RELATIONSHIPS

Hello again, my topic today is one that has been on my mind for a while now and I decided to share with you.

A little intro: girl likes to read novels a lot and likes her rice really soft. Girl meets boy, boy does not like novels, does not like soft rice. Girl totally stops reading novels even though it makes her unhappy. Girl starts cooking rice half-done even though she hates it. Boy is happy and none the wiser. Girl is unhappy but trying to please boy.

So here is what I am asking, why do people loose themselves and their self essence in the hope of keeping their partners happy? Specifically why do women loose themselves in trying to keep their men happy? Before the men begin to crucify me, I am not writing from a feminist angle. I’ve observed relationships and also from my own experiences, I’ve seen that it is mostly women who are affected by this.

A friend of mine loves to wear skirts, she had all kinds and she barely made up. She is a really beautiful girl (not up to me o). Then she met this guy. One day she came to my house wearing jean trousers and fully made up, I almost didn’t recognize her. When I asked her what on earth she thought she was doing, she said, “It’s how Tayo (not real name) likes me to dress “. Throughout the duration of her stay, I noticed how uncomfortable she was and I had to ask her if Tayo put a gun to her head and forced her to dress like that, she said she was doing it to please him, even though she hated it. I was stunned. I asked her if Tayo knew about how she felt dressed like that and she said he did, but he liked girls who wore trousers and were fully made up with the nails and eyelashes properly in place. Anyways, I felt she was exaggerating, I mean, when he saw her was she not wearing a skirt? Was she not without make up? But I still told her not to lose herself in pleasing him.

Two days later, I was supposed to go to the movies with them, so I went over to her house and Tayo was there. After she had finished dressing-in jean trousers and a top I knew she was not comfortable in – Tayo looked at her as if to say aren’t you forgetting something? She had just on a little powder and a light lipstick, infront of me, she actually pleaded with him to let her keep her light make up and he sulkily agreed, but you could see the petulant look on his face, so she had to go back in and apply the full works of mascara and the likes. When she was in the house, I tried talking to Tayo about it, and his reply? “I like girls like that”. Where do you see that relationship heading? My friend is always going to hate herself whenever she goes out with him, but she will stick with him and ENDURE! I told my colleagues at work the next day and some of them said so what? It’s a small change and she should be willing to do that if she loves him. It usually starts from there, she changes her dressing, her religion, the types of food she eats and maybe at some point, her sex, if he so pleases!

Now, I am somebody who believes in compromise, I believe we all go into a relationship with our own quirks and so should be able to make compromises to accommodate the other person’s eccentricities to a certain extent. Should some changes be made? Definitely, it stops being just you, so you need to change some habits where necessary. But should you lose yourself and all you stand for? HELL NO!

Sometimes in a relationship, you realize that there is nothing left of you because you have changed totally just to accommodate one who isn’t even willing to make one little concession for you. Why I said it applies mostly to women is they have the hard time of it trying to show a man that they are “wife material” so they blindly assent to whatever he says, and at the end you don’t even know who you are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the men aren’t bothered. Do you not want to know the real her? Do you not want to know what she likes too? Do you not believe in compromise?

Well the women are not free from blame too because they act like it’s no biggie while they are unhappy deep down. Why not tell him that you don’t like making up or wearing skirts or trousers? What makes you think he won’t accept you for you? Why can’t you stand firm and let him know that some things cannot and should not be changed? Why act the martyr in the name of love?

I remember a movie I watched years ago, some of might be familiar with it. “The runaway bride”, featuring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. There was a scene where he asked her how she liked her eggs, she said scrambled just because he likes it scrambled. After quizzing her for a while, he found out that her choice of egg depended on the choice of whatever boyfriend she had at the moment. She had actually forgotten that she had a right to like it differently. Does that sound familiar? Does that sound like you? If yes, then you need to go on a self discovery journey before it’s too late. There are some things about you that should NOT be touched!

Personally, I love to read novels a lot, I actually have over 200 and counting, I hate onions and I want to be buried in jeans. Yes, I love jeans that much. So if I meet a guy who hates jeans, am I supposed to stop wearing them? Seriously? I could reduce how much I wear them, but stop??? NO. I could start liking onions (I don’t even want to think about it) but don’t expect me to start drinking garri with it.

Finally, I am not saying we should stubbornly refuse to change anything for fear of losing oneself, there should be room for change on both ends, but the most important thing is to still retain that thing that makes you to be you, to still retain your essence!

My Weight And I! 2

Continued from 1...

Then I began to fast seriously, and yes I did manage to shed a few pounds, but as usual I piled it back on immediately I finished the fast. I think God knew I was doing it for the wrong reason and he decided to punish me. Then I registered for dance lessons which seemed to work for a while, until my body got used to it and adjusted itself to my routine, then my treacherous body stopped losing weight. Let’s not even talk about all d time I spent in the toilet throwing up everything I ate.
In a final and desperate attempt, I usually willed myself to fall ill so I could lose a few pounds. Crazy right? Well I dint think so back. I still remember when I had malaria and typhoid and I lost so much weight that people barely even recognized me, I was insanely happy. I was on cloud nine! The sad thing is that I piled it all back on in less than a week. How you may ask? Well, remember my creation story? I left out one part. He used a very fertile soil to create me-loamy soil. So anytime I am depleted, well the soil does its job and back I go!
These are just some of the stuffs I did to lose weight, but something struck me ,in all the while that I lost all that tremendous weight, I seemed to lose my essence, I wasn’t me any longer, people began to ask if I was ill or something was wrong with me. This led me to realize something, we are all created in the image and likeness of God, and we are all beautiful and unique in our own way without trying to change who we are to please the world. Now when I think of d foolish things I did just to lose weight, I shake my head at all the time wasted. Who decides what we should look like? The society? Do we have to pander to the whims and dictates of the society? The answer is a resounding NO! I make the most of who I am now, I have built my self confidence to an unshakeable level and I realized that was the major thing missing in my life. I realized that immediately I stopped trying to change who I was, I felt good about myself. I exercise as much as I can, I have toned the fat in me to muscles and even though am not a size six, I am a happy and contented size ten (its 12 sha, but let’s leave it at ten) I know I might never be a model (sad face) and I’ve made my peace with that. I take good care of myself and always look the best I can. It doesn’t bother me anymore when people refer to me as that fat girl, because I know there’s more to me than that.

Now don’t get it twisted o, I am not saying one should stop taking care of themselves, am just saying there should be a limit to how hard you try. Stay as healthy as u can and work on your self confidence and you will be surprised at how well and healthy you begin to feel. If you are one of those people who judges a book by its cover (which I am also guilty of) then stop and try to see something else in them beyond their weight.
Lastly, in case you are looking for, or know someone who is looking for a fat and extremely beautiful model, you know where to find one! #winks#

My Weight and I!

     So I am trying real hard to work on my weight, but its having the adverse effect on me. I keep piling it on like butter on bread. I saw this malnourished looking girl (yeah call me jealous) and she was eating or rather wolfing down bars of chocolate, and I hated her instantly! Before I tell you the reason, let me tell you a little about my body.

    It was created on a Friday morning. You see, God had created the required amount of people for the week, and he had to minimize the clay (abi is it dust sef) so that he wouldn’t run short, so on that beautifully glorious and sexy Friday morning when he was about to create me, he realized he had excess clay left so he piled it on me ,hence my sexy, curvaceous and full body. The thing is, he kinda left space for more fat to be added in the course of my life’s journey. Because of this, if I think of food, I add weight. If I see food, I add weight. Now imagine what happens when I actually eat. It’s really annoying because I am the only fat one in my family, my parents and siblings are all slim. So you can see why it’s really annoying to see slim people who never seem to add weight, while I am constantly struggling with mine. You now know why I hated the girl abi?

    Anyways, let’s get serious, my topic today or question is: should people be judged by their weight? I have always been chubby, and I have always been known as “that fat girl” and it’s really annoying, I mean why am I not “that brilliant girl” or “that extremely beautiful girl” (which I am by the way) and I always felt like I was being judged too harshly. I always hated to be reminded of my weight, and it was always a sore topic for me.

   Back in the days, I went through a whole lot just to lose weight; I even cringe right now to think of some of the stupidly insane things I had done in a bid to lose weight and slim to fashion. I always wanted to be a model, so I felt I had to look like I just came out of a Russian concentration camp to be a model, I had to have my bones sticking out left right and centre, every morning I’d wake up and go to the mirror to see if my bones where sticking out more, and rejoice if I thought they were. I ingested some amount of drugs that were supposed to make me “thin”. I had a friend who worked in a pharmacy and supplied me slimming drugs, but I didn’t know they were just placebos and they had no real work, so I happily ingested them.

   Next, I went on a rampage and registered in every gym in Jos, then I got tired after 2 weeks of constant gyming and no visible weight loss. So I joined my friend who was on a starvation diet, she had Lipton for breakfast, a quarter of a pack of indomie for lunch and a glass of wine for dinner. That also dint last because, I mean like seriously? Lipton and wine?? I wasn’t trying to kill myself, so I stopped. I am not even going to talk of the slimming teas!

To be continued...

The marriage craze

THE MARRIAGE CRAZE

A couple of days ago, a girlfriend of mine called me and said she was getting married. After I heard the good news, I had to pause for a while and look at my life, and I realized my biological clock was ticking away loud and clear. I am older than she is by a couple of years so naturally I was worried – just a little bit though- that I was getting old, but I consoled myself with the fact that I am still young, so there is still time for me, I mean, what’s the hurry right??

After speaking with her and reflecting a little on my life, I decided to call a couple of friends together so we could meet and make arrangement towards the wedding. When we met I saw such forlorn faces that I had to ask if somebody was dead. The general response I got was that they were getting really old, and time wasn’t on their side anymore, yet there was no man in the picture. One of them actually said she was tired of her life. It was a meeting full of lamentation. Funny enough none of these women are up to forty years. These are women who are financially independent and very successful in their various jobs and here they were feeling so miserable about the absence of a man in their lives. One of them actually said she had started asking men out instead of waiting for men to do the asking. At this stage though I had to disagree with her, there is no way I am asking a man out no matter how old I get. You can call me old fashioned or a prude, I still hold on to that opinion.

It got me thinking, what is it about being single that got these beautiful and successful women into feeling so miserable? Is it because we are in a society that frowns at a woman being single once she hits a certain age? Or Is it because some women just can’t help feelling unfulfilled without a man.?

This marriage craze has made so many women go into marriage with their eyes closed. They marry the first person that says hi to them just so that they will join the trend of married women and the end result is always a disaster. Of course they suffer silently because it would be a shame to actually come out and admit there was a problem with their marriages. It has become a kind of game of “who will get married first”.

I have a friend who had that mentality, and she was determined to get married at all cost. In January 2010, her New Year resolution was to get married before the end of the year. At this time, she had no boyfriend, not to talk of a fiancé, but she did not see that as an obstacle, she said she would get pregnant if she had to, just to get married. By December of 2010, there was still no boyfriend in the picture, and she almost committed suicide. She is just 31years old.

A colleague of mine at work said she had so many people asking her when she was getting married, that she was almost tempted to grab the first man she saw on the street and marry him. Just to keep people off her back. Now when asked, she just tells them that she can’t marry herself, so when there is someone to marry her, she will let them know. A friend’s parents actually threatened to disown her if she was not married by the age of 33.

So many women suffer emotionally and psychologically because they are still single at a certain age. Funny enough, i have met women who have no interest in marriage, at least for now, and they are doing very well for themselves.

So the question today is this: should women have to go through so much worry because they are single? Isn’t this marriage thing a little overrated? And most importantly, should women continue to torture themselves just because a man has not realized the extremely priceless jewels that they are?    

How long is too long?

How long is too long

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while because it’s just been stuck in my head, it wasn’t until a friend of mine said something about it that I decided to put pen to paper.

How long should people date or be together before they sign the dotted lines? In the course of discussion with this friend of mine, I asked about her long time boyfriend, and she said they were taking a break, why? You might ask, she has been with him for the past eleven years, and he’s yet to show any sign of putting hearth to home, yes you heard me right,11 years, and I ask myself, why should anybody wait that long for anybody? If after five yrs of being together, your spouse has not decided what he/she wants out of the relationship, well, it’s goodbye I guess.

I asked a couple of people and I found out that many women hold on in vain, with the hope that one day, he’ll pop the million dollar question. A couple  of women said that after being with their spouses through thick and thin, they were given the silliest excuse in the books like, “my mother thinks you are too tall,” or  “we are not compatible” or “you are too fat”, the funniest I heard was “you are half-cast”, and we don’t marry half-cast in my family, the most common was “we don’t marry from a different tribe”.

Seriously? After 5 or 6 yrs together you just realized she was too slim, or too fat, or too dark, or that she couldn’t she couldn’t cook? Did you not know from the onset know that your family wouldn’t accept women from other tribes or religion? Or that it was forbidden to marry a half cast?

The guys I spoke with mostly said the same thing, if after 5-6 yrs he doesn’t know where the relationship is headed; 8years isn’t going to make any difference to him.

Some people might say that with love, the wait is always worth the while, but let’s assume I’m 28 years old, and I meet a guy who after 6years still isn’t ready to settle down, should I continue to wait for him in the name of love?

So my question today is this, how long should one wait or date before he packs his bags and leaves? How long is too long?        

Secrets (two)

SECRETS (TWO)

                                                                             

After last week’s topic on secrets, I got a lot of response from readers, and I’ll be sharing one of those responses. For those who missed last week’s edition, we talked about the disadvantages of revealing secrets from your past to your spouse, and we also shared a couple of experiences from people who told it all.

Today, we’ll be talking about the consequences of not revealing those past secrets. Let’s take the story of Mrs. Okoye (not real name).

“I was a lady of the night when I met my husband, but after meeting him, I decided to give up that life and settle down with him. I managed to put a stop to my trade, and put it all behind me. After taking this life changing decision, I felt it wasn’t really necessary for my husband to know about my past, since I had no intension of ever walking down that road again.

We eventually got married, and all seemed to be just fine and dandy, until a distant uncle of my husbands’ whom I was yet to meet came back from Malaysia for a little family visit, my husband was kind enough to offer to accommodate him for the duration of his stay in this country. On that faithful day, the said uncle came home, and when he saw me, he smiled like he knew who I was, although I was very sure we were yet to meet. For two days after his arrival, he took every chance he got to smile at me lasciviously or to make rude and inappropriate comments about my looks. I became very uncomfortable with him in the house, and I tried discussing it until my husband, but being a man that he is, he said he had seen nothing untoward with his uncle’s behaviour around me. After a while, I decided to come out straight and ask Uncle Ken what his problem was, then I got the shocker of my life. He had been one of my “Clients”, and he said he would like to patronise my services again. At this stage, I panicked and begged him not to say anything to my husband; he agreed on the condition that I slept with him just one last time, I refused of course.

I took a decision to come clean about my past that night, but as the devil will have it, Uncle Ken beat me to it. My husband couldn’t believe his ears, he was so angry and disappointed, not just because of the life I had led, but the fact that I kept my secrets away from him. He said it was simply unforgivable. We are currently separated.”

This is just one of the many responses I got, almost all of them toeing the same line of “if only I had just told him/her” about my past. I happen to be one of those people who believe that “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you”, because in as much as we say we would rather know the truth, we can’t always handle the truth, and sometimes, we wish we never knew. I am yet to find any relationship that actually survived the so called truth.

So I am still asking, isn’t it better to just start a fresh, and leave your past in the past?

Preparing for my award

   Na wah o,i am yet to get the hang of this blogging thing,but am determined to do it! I like writing,even if my thoughts are not cordinated and I dont always have what to write about. I decided I was going to write everyday,I mean,it doesnt have to be a best seller story,just something to help hone my writting skills In preparation for my noble laureate award.(yes I said it,and I am going to win it)
    There's just one problem in this my beautiful plan towards achieving my goal...I dont have a laptop! I use a friend's own,and that's whenever the spirit touches him to renew his internet subscription,anyway with God on my side,I believe I ll work something out.
   

In the villa 3

 

thats me duecing

.

   I just realized right now that I am slowly and gradually turning into a proper "village" girl,I don't mean that in any derogatory way,its just that 98% of the women I've  met since coming here wear their hair net day in day out,and it just hit me that mine has not left my head for the past four days. I go everywhere with it,and it doesn't even bother me,because i seem to blend,who would believe it,i mean,in Jos,I don't even go beyond the gate of my house with net on my head,not to talk of letting strangers see me with it. To be fair to myself though,i remove it every now and then to let my hair breathe.
   Secondly,i don't feel the need to 'dress up' when I go out,I just go in whatever am wearing at the time,with or without make up,its actually really cool.
   Ehe,before i forget,I don't know if its only my village that is ridden with these cursed,despicable,God forsaken sand flies. They seem to be everywhere and are really wreaking havoc to my extremely beautiful skin. The annoying thing is that they are so tiny and almost invincible to the naked eyes,so you don't see them f lying around or anything,you just feel that itch after they have done their thingy and then you are left to itch and scratch  like crazy. I already have enough wounds on my hands and legs all from itching my body. You should see my really sexy lips,they are now twice their normal size.
   I know you are wondering to yourself and saying "she never hear of insect repellent?" Believe me,Ive tried it,and it seems they were even more attracted to the repellent,because i had more bites than I've ever had. The worst part of it is that,the repellent is Vaseline like,now imagine plastering myself with it in this Vaseline unfriendly weather and still have the little devils at me. Anyways,i guess I ll just bear it for the duration of my little stay in the villa. Gotta run now.
      Ciao!

IN THE VILLA 2

      Now back to my mother's shop,sitting here all day,i see all kinds of people,dresses and what not,but the most amusing fact is that 80% of the people do not wear foot wears. Its so funny,and am actually beginning to think the people in my village have an aversion for foot wears,or there's an unwritten rule that says "thou shall Walk barefooted in this village". this rule applies to everyone from the young to the old,you can actually see people walking bare footed(abi is it barefeeted sef)with their shoes on their head,and even I wonder why they bother to carry it at all.
    Two days ago,a woman came to buy something with her baby who is barely five - before i go further,let me say that the sun that shines in my village is totally different,because it seems to shine with a venom,like say person send am come,the ground is sandy and soft so you can imagine how hot it is - anyways,this woman came with her little baby,and when they were leaving, I saw that she was holding the child's brand new slippers,and he was walking barefoot,it was so so ridiculous, and i am wondering to myself,why on earth did she even buy it in the first place,or why did she bother carrying it from her house? anyway,I guess they are very comfortable like that,so why am I here drinking panadol for people who are not even complaining of headache sef.
   Talking of boredom,my phone battery is so low,there's no place to charge it and I've not facebooked in ages. Wow,I wonder how am even surviving it. Even if there was light to charge the phone,MTN network here is so erratic,that it actually puts the erratic nature of the Nigerian government to shame,its really annoying. Gosh,i can imagine all the fine boys...and girls...that are just dying to talk to me and they cant,poor things! So,I have just my thoughts for company,and they are running pretty wild right now,I've been thinking about how good it will feel to be Mrs Osaze Odemwingie,now don't you dare laugh,after all na me get my mind,I can think or imagine what i like!
   All this rambling is making me really hungry,I wonder what I'll eat in this shop now,let me see...what have I not eaten..malt,minerals,viju,biscuits,nah,I've eaten enough of those to last me a while. Jeez,I've gained so much weight,its going to be hell loosing it. sha,let me eat something sharp sharp before momsy or my siblings come to catch me,because then,I'd have to pay for it.
                                                ciao.