My Weight and I!

     So I am trying real hard to work on my weight, but its having the adverse effect on me. I keep piling it on like butter on bread. I saw this malnourished looking girl (yeah call me jealous) and she was eating or rather wolfing down bars of chocolate, and I hated her instantly! Before I tell you the reason, let me tell you a little about my body.

    It was created on a Friday morning. You see, God had created the required amount of people for the week, and he had to minimize the clay (abi is it dust sef) so that he wouldn’t run short, so on that beautifully glorious and sexy Friday morning when he was about to create me, he realized he had excess clay left so he piled it on me ,hence my sexy, curvaceous and full body. The thing is, he kinda left space for more fat to be added in the course of my life’s journey. Because of this, if I think of food, I add weight. If I see food, I add weight. Now imagine what happens when I actually eat. It’s really annoying because I am the only fat one in my family, my parents and siblings are all slim. So you can see why it’s really annoying to see slim people who never seem to add weight, while I am constantly struggling with mine. You now know why I hated the girl abi?

    Anyways, let’s get serious, my topic today or question is: should people be judged by their weight? I have always been chubby, and I have always been known as “that fat girl” and it’s really annoying, I mean why am I not “that brilliant girl” or “that extremely beautiful girl” (which I am by the way) and I always felt like I was being judged too harshly. I always hated to be reminded of my weight, and it was always a sore topic for me.

   Back in the days, I went through a whole lot just to lose weight; I even cringe right now to think of some of the stupidly insane things I had done in a bid to lose weight and slim to fashion. I always wanted to be a model, so I felt I had to look like I just came out of a Russian concentration camp to be a model, I had to have my bones sticking out left right and centre, every morning I’d wake up and go to the mirror to see if my bones where sticking out more, and rejoice if I thought they were. I ingested some amount of drugs that were supposed to make me “thin”. I had a friend who worked in a pharmacy and supplied me slimming drugs, but I didn’t know they were just placebos and they had no real work, so I happily ingested them.

   Next, I went on a rampage and registered in every gym in Jos, then I got tired after 2 weeks of constant gyming and no visible weight loss. So I joined my friend who was on a starvation diet, she had Lipton for breakfast, a quarter of a pack of indomie for lunch and a glass of wine for dinner. That also dint last because, I mean like seriously? Lipton and wine?? I wasn’t trying to kill myself, so I stopped. I am not even going to talk of the slimming teas!

To be continued...

The marriage craze

THE MARRIAGE CRAZE

A couple of days ago, a girlfriend of mine called me and said she was getting married. After I heard the good news, I had to pause for a while and look at my life, and I realized my biological clock was ticking away loud and clear. I am older than she is by a couple of years so naturally I was worried – just a little bit though- that I was getting old, but I consoled myself with the fact that I am still young, so there is still time for me, I mean, what’s the hurry right??

After speaking with her and reflecting a little on my life, I decided to call a couple of friends together so we could meet and make arrangement towards the wedding. When we met I saw such forlorn faces that I had to ask if somebody was dead. The general response I got was that they were getting really old, and time wasn’t on their side anymore, yet there was no man in the picture. One of them actually said she was tired of her life. It was a meeting full of lamentation. Funny enough none of these women are up to forty years. These are women who are financially independent and very successful in their various jobs and here they were feeling so miserable about the absence of a man in their lives. One of them actually said she had started asking men out instead of waiting for men to do the asking. At this stage though I had to disagree with her, there is no way I am asking a man out no matter how old I get. You can call me old fashioned or a prude, I still hold on to that opinion.

It got me thinking, what is it about being single that got these beautiful and successful women into feeling so miserable? Is it because we are in a society that frowns at a woman being single once she hits a certain age? Or Is it because some women just can’t help feelling unfulfilled without a man.?

This marriage craze has made so many women go into marriage with their eyes closed. They marry the first person that says hi to them just so that they will join the trend of married women and the end result is always a disaster. Of course they suffer silently because it would be a shame to actually come out and admit there was a problem with their marriages. It has become a kind of game of “who will get married first”.

I have a friend who had that mentality, and she was determined to get married at all cost. In January 2010, her New Year resolution was to get married before the end of the year. At this time, she had no boyfriend, not to talk of a fiancé, but she did not see that as an obstacle, she said she would get pregnant if she had to, just to get married. By December of 2010, there was still no boyfriend in the picture, and she almost committed suicide. She is just 31years old.

A colleague of mine at work said she had so many people asking her when she was getting married, that she was almost tempted to grab the first man she saw on the street and marry him. Just to keep people off her back. Now when asked, she just tells them that she can’t marry herself, so when there is someone to marry her, she will let them know. A friend’s parents actually threatened to disown her if she was not married by the age of 33.

So many women suffer emotionally and psychologically because they are still single at a certain age. Funny enough, i have met women who have no interest in marriage, at least for now, and they are doing very well for themselves.

So the question today is this: should women have to go through so much worry because they are single? Isn’t this marriage thing a little overrated? And most importantly, should women continue to torture themselves just because a man has not realized the extremely priceless jewels that they are?    

How long is too long?

How long is too long

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while because it’s just been stuck in my head, it wasn’t until a friend of mine said something about it that I decided to put pen to paper.

How long should people date or be together before they sign the dotted lines? In the course of discussion with this friend of mine, I asked about her long time boyfriend, and she said they were taking a break, why? You might ask, she has been with him for the past eleven years, and he’s yet to show any sign of putting hearth to home, yes you heard me right,11 years, and I ask myself, why should anybody wait that long for anybody? If after five yrs of being together, your spouse has not decided what he/she wants out of the relationship, well, it’s goodbye I guess.

I asked a couple of people and I found out that many women hold on in vain, with the hope that one day, he’ll pop the million dollar question. A couple  of women said that after being with their spouses through thick and thin, they were given the silliest excuse in the books like, “my mother thinks you are too tall,” or  “we are not compatible” or “you are too fat”, the funniest I heard was “you are half-cast”, and we don’t marry half-cast in my family, the most common was “we don’t marry from a different tribe”.

Seriously? After 5 or 6 yrs together you just realized she was too slim, or too fat, or too dark, or that she couldn’t she couldn’t cook? Did you not know from the onset know that your family wouldn’t accept women from other tribes or religion? Or that it was forbidden to marry a half cast?

The guys I spoke with mostly said the same thing, if after 5-6 yrs he doesn’t know where the relationship is headed; 8years isn’t going to make any difference to him.

Some people might say that with love, the wait is always worth the while, but let’s assume I’m 28 years old, and I meet a guy who after 6years still isn’t ready to settle down, should I continue to wait for him in the name of love?

So my question today is this, how long should one wait or date before he packs his bags and leaves? How long is too long?        

Secrets (two)

SECRETS (TWO)

                                                                             

After last week’s topic on secrets, I got a lot of response from readers, and I’ll be sharing one of those responses. For those who missed last week’s edition, we talked about the disadvantages of revealing secrets from your past to your spouse, and we also shared a couple of experiences from people who told it all.

Today, we’ll be talking about the consequences of not revealing those past secrets. Let’s take the story of Mrs. Okoye (not real name).

“I was a lady of the night when I met my husband, but after meeting him, I decided to give up that life and settle down with him. I managed to put a stop to my trade, and put it all behind me. After taking this life changing decision, I felt it wasn’t really necessary for my husband to know about my past, since I had no intension of ever walking down that road again.

We eventually got married, and all seemed to be just fine and dandy, until a distant uncle of my husbands’ whom I was yet to meet came back from Malaysia for a little family visit, my husband was kind enough to offer to accommodate him for the duration of his stay in this country. On that faithful day, the said uncle came home, and when he saw me, he smiled like he knew who I was, although I was very sure we were yet to meet. For two days after his arrival, he took every chance he got to smile at me lasciviously or to make rude and inappropriate comments about my looks. I became very uncomfortable with him in the house, and I tried discussing it until my husband, but being a man that he is, he said he had seen nothing untoward with his uncle’s behaviour around me. After a while, I decided to come out straight and ask Uncle Ken what his problem was, then I got the shocker of my life. He had been one of my “Clients”, and he said he would like to patronise my services again. At this stage, I panicked and begged him not to say anything to my husband; he agreed on the condition that I slept with him just one last time, I refused of course.

I took a decision to come clean about my past that night, but as the devil will have it, Uncle Ken beat me to it. My husband couldn’t believe his ears, he was so angry and disappointed, not just because of the life I had led, but the fact that I kept my secrets away from him. He said it was simply unforgivable. We are currently separated.”

This is just one of the many responses I got, almost all of them toeing the same line of “if only I had just told him/her” about my past. I happen to be one of those people who believe that “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you”, because in as much as we say we would rather know the truth, we can’t always handle the truth, and sometimes, we wish we never knew. I am yet to find any relationship that actually survived the so called truth.

So I am still asking, isn’t it better to just start a fresh, and leave your past in the past?

Preparing for my award

   Na wah o,i am yet to get the hang of this blogging thing,but am determined to do it! I like writing,even if my thoughts are not cordinated and I dont always have what to write about. I decided I was going to write everyday,I mean,it doesnt have to be a best seller story,just something to help hone my writting skills In preparation for my noble laureate award.(yes I said it,and I am going to win it)
    There's just one problem in this my beautiful plan towards achieving my goal...I dont have a laptop! I use a friend's own,and that's whenever the spirit touches him to renew his internet subscription,anyway with God on my side,I believe I ll work something out.
   

In the villa 3

 

thats me duecing

.

   I just realized right now that I am slowly and gradually turning into a proper "village" girl,I don't mean that in any derogatory way,its just that 98% of the women I've  met since coming here wear their hair net day in day out,and it just hit me that mine has not left my head for the past four days. I go everywhere with it,and it doesn't even bother me,because i seem to blend,who would believe it,i mean,in Jos,I don't even go beyond the gate of my house with net on my head,not to talk of letting strangers see me with it. To be fair to myself though,i remove it every now and then to let my hair breathe.
   Secondly,i don't feel the need to 'dress up' when I go out,I just go in whatever am wearing at the time,with or without make up,its actually really cool.
   Ehe,before i forget,I don't know if its only my village that is ridden with these cursed,despicable,God forsaken sand flies. They seem to be everywhere and are really wreaking havoc to my extremely beautiful skin. The annoying thing is that they are so tiny and almost invincible to the naked eyes,so you don't see them f lying around or anything,you just feel that itch after they have done their thingy and then you are left to itch and scratch  like crazy. I already have enough wounds on my hands and legs all from itching my body. You should see my really sexy lips,they are now twice their normal size.
   I know you are wondering to yourself and saying "she never hear of insect repellent?" Believe me,Ive tried it,and it seems they were even more attracted to the repellent,because i had more bites than I've ever had. The worst part of it is that,the repellent is Vaseline like,now imagine plastering myself with it in this Vaseline unfriendly weather and still have the little devils at me. Anyways,i guess I ll just bear it for the duration of my little stay in the villa. Gotta run now.
      Ciao!

IN THE VILLA 2

      Now back to my mother's shop,sitting here all day,i see all kinds of people,dresses and what not,but the most amusing fact is that 80% of the people do not wear foot wears. Its so funny,and am actually beginning to think the people in my village have an aversion for foot wears,or there's an unwritten rule that says "thou shall Walk barefooted in this village". this rule applies to everyone from the young to the old,you can actually see people walking bare footed(abi is it barefeeted sef)with their shoes on their head,and even I wonder why they bother to carry it at all.
    Two days ago,a woman came to buy something with her baby who is barely five - before i go further,let me say that the sun that shines in my village is totally different,because it seems to shine with a venom,like say person send am come,the ground is sandy and soft so you can imagine how hot it is - anyways,this woman came with her little baby,and when they were leaving, I saw that she was holding the child's brand new slippers,and he was walking barefoot,it was so so ridiculous, and i am wondering to myself,why on earth did she even buy it in the first place,or why did she bother carrying it from her house? anyway,I guess they are very comfortable like that,so why am I here drinking panadol for people who are not even complaining of headache sef.
   Talking of boredom,my phone battery is so low,there's no place to charge it and I've not facebooked in ages. Wow,I wonder how am even surviving it. Even if there was light to charge the phone,MTN network here is so erratic,that it actually puts the erratic nature of the Nigerian government to shame,its really annoying. Gosh,i can imagine all the fine boys...and girls...that are just dying to talk to me and they cant,poor things! So,I have just my thoughts for company,and they are running pretty wild right now,I've been thinking about how good it will feel to be Mrs Osaze Odemwingie,now don't you dare laugh,after all na me get my mind,I can think or imagine what i like!
   All this rambling is making me really hungry,I wonder what I'll eat in this shop now,let me see...what have I not eaten..malt,minerals,viju,biscuits,nah,I've eaten enough of those to last me a while. Jeez,I've gained so much weight,its going to be hell loosing it. sha,let me eat something sharp sharp before momsy or my siblings come to catch me,because then,I'd have to pay for it.
                                                ciao.

In the villa!

me and my cornrows

  OK,its really been a while I put something down,call it sheer laziness or writer's block,but I've not written anything in a while.
  I am in the village right now and listening to radio,there's a girl droning on and on about loosing bad habits,she makes it sound as if it was as easy as loosing a wallet,i wish it was that easy(not that  i have any bad habits though). Anyway,it just occurred  to me that from January to December of 2011,i don't think i listened to the radio up to 5 times,but I've spent 2 weeks in the village,and the radio is all the company i've got,I listen to it from sunrise to sunset. The boredom here is something else,I even listen to 'ogene ndi igbo',considering the fact that i don't understand half of the things they say,it just goes to show how bored I am. Did I just hear you say 'are you not ibo?',please spare me jare,is it my fault that my parents did not teach me to speak ibo?,abeg free me jor,I get enough grief from my sister as it were-she speaks ibo fluently-anyways,that's a different story entirely.
  So here I am in my very remote village,yeah,my village is still a village by every standard and in every sense of the word,there's no light,no water and no road,I think my governor had a beef with some guy in my village,so we have no basic social amenity as punishment.
  Anyways,here I am with no TV to distract me,no friends,no proper means of communicating-I just nod and smile a lot whenever people talk to me in ibo-no fine boys,which is really annoying,at least if there was one he would have kept me company,even if it means me learning ibo in one day,its really sad o,but what can I say!
  My yeye friends keep asking me if I have found a husband,imagine me and one of these village boys! I even shudder to thinks about it(yeah you can call me snobbish and anything you like,na you get your mouth)but I cant even see myself getting married from this village,don't get it twisted o,there's absolutely nothing with my village-apart from the lack of light,road and water-I just feel like I should explore what other people have to offer. I would feel trapped if I remained in my village all my life,I don't expect anyone to understand it sha,but that's how I feel. Come to think of it,I might not even marry an ibo guy. OK OK,I think am derailing,so where was I...yes,no fine boys and no novel to read.
  The only thing keeping me sane apart from my radio is my mum's shop,at least I get to sit in it from morning To night and eat everything she sells. you should see me,i've added enough weight to form another human being.
   Please permit me to derail a little here,talking about radio,what on earth happened to  COSMO FM???? that used to be the only attraction the village held for me,i hear the government seized it because it belonged to chimaroke,serves him right for neglecting my village,but it was so so cool,I really miss DJ fx2 and hakuna matata,it must have rendered so many people jobless,i really miss it o!
I gotta run now,but I'll definitely continue to fill you in on my stay in d villa. ciao!

commitophobia

COMMITOPHOBIA

I think I have I have the worst fear of commitment in the word, I mean it scares me silly to even think of spending the rest of my life with one person. I refuse to imagine it, hence, my title ‘commitophobia’, correct me on that if I’m wrong.

I look at married couples all around me and I see unhappiness written on their faces, husbands and wives sitting together for hours without saying a word to each other, spouses cheating on each other like it was normal, and I’m thinking, is it worth it, all these years of unhappiness just so that I can be called a “Mrs”. I see young girls rushing into marriage unprepared because it’s what society expects from them, and then they live the rest of their lives with a happy facade, but secretly envying the single girls their freedom, and asking themselves “what happened to the love? And I am asking myself, will I ever be that woman?

My neighbour beats his wife silly at the drop of a pin, neglects her and their three kids, and still cheats on her with women is the neighbourhood, and she still stays and says “am here because of my children. Seriously? Now to a commitophobic like myself, this only helps to feed my fears, and really makes me question the whole marriage and commitment thingy again. I grew up in a home where my father beat my mother at the slightest provocation, we feared him more than hellfire and believe me when I say we feared hellfire. She was constantly unhappy, and crying was just a daily part of her life. From that tender age of seven, I made up my mind, no marriage for me, no sir. Now I’m older, I still see the same thing going on around me, although a couple of women have decided to stand up and say enough but the majority have managed to term it ‘a normal part of marriage’. I refuse to call it normal.

My younger sister got married two year ago, and she’s been deliriously happy, or so I thought. I was actually beginning to think that something was wrong with my theory until I saw her in the supermarket, spotting these really huge sunshades, after I managed to persuade her to remove it, I found the biggest blue-black eyes I had seen yet, yes her husband used her to practice his Tyson skills, but as usual she gave me the oldest excuse in the book “I walked into a wall a home” and back to square one I went. See why I don’t believe in marriages. You might call me cynical, but it’s the truth, and if you let yourself think for a minute before crucifying me, you will find that there is an innermost part of you that agrees with me.

The question is this, is giving up my freedom and happiness worth being called a ‘Mrs’,? Is fitting into society worth years of sorrow, regret and longing?

A friend of mine sent this to me, and she tagged it the fear of commitment and I ask myself, is she justified in her fears, is marriage really just a sham, or are there really happy marriages out there?

secrets

SECRET (ONE)

My friend’s relationship of 3yrs just ended because she told her boy friend the truth.

Yes! the truth. The same truth that “shall set you free.” Ironically, it did indeed set her free. We’ll call her Irene for the purpose of this write up. Irene and Tony had been dating for three years, they were the perfect couple, made indeed for each other, and nothing, I mean nothing could tear could tear them apart … or so we thought.

As the relationship progressed and Irene felt they were headed for the alter, she decided to come clean and tell Tony about the skeletons in her closet, so they don’t fall out and ruin her relationship later.

She sought for advice, and I told her to follow her heart, she knew her man better, although, I thought he could handle the truth. Some men can handle the truth; while some would rather you not tell them the truth.

And so bearing this in mind, she told him the truth - and nothing but the truth, so help her God – about her past life. That was the end of the relationship, it came crashing down like a pack of cards, Tony could not handle the truth, and so he called it off. He said he was better off not knowing about her past life and he wished she hadn’t told him about it. He just couldn’t handle the truth.

Chioma and Bello have been married  for 5yrs, and they were very happy until he was accused of theft in his work place. He went home feeling really bitter, and expected to find an ally in his wife. Instead, the opposite was the case. He found out that his wife actually believed he might have had a hand in it. He was broken. Co-incidentally, he had been involved in two other cases of fraud in his office, and his wife never really seemed to support him 100%, even though it had eventually been proved that he had no hand in it.

As he thought about it, it occurred to him that since the day he told Chioma about his past life, he lost her trust. She never seemed to trust him again, she did go on to marry him and still professes love to him, but she never trusted him again. That day, he regretted ever telling him the truth.

It got me thinking, everyone says there should be no secret in a relationship, but they can’t handle the truth. Something always changes when we tell our secrets to our spouses, something negative always happens. The relationship might not end, but there is a shift that inadvertently rocks the relationship, and most times leads to a break-up.

So my question is this, isn’t it better to just start afresh? Keep your secrets to yourself? Leave your past in the past? And pray nothing ever happens to revive it.