I feel like hell right now, I feel invincible, I feel terrible, I feel… sad, really sad and angry at God. I wish I wasn’t in church right now so that I could cry. I feel the tears shimmering on my lids. God why me? Why?
I can’t even put to words the exact way I feel... Empty perhaps? Yes empty. I feel like I am just living aimlessly. Why do I feel this way when I am in your presence? I should be happy…I should feel loved... I should feel wrapped in the comfort of your presence around me… but I don’t.
Everyone is avidly listening to the priest and screaming AMEN, claiming everything he is saying for them. But I don’t hear anything he is saying, he just drones on and on, he is definitely not saying anything I want to hear right now. I wish he would tell me why I feel this way, if only he would tell me why my life is so stagnant… I wish he would just shut up already. I don’t feel like being here right now, I want to go home and cry.
Everyone around me is getting married; everyone is getting a job, everyone in moving somewhere, but I am just here; nothing is happening in my life. I want to have a testimony, I want to be able to say something…anything at all, but…there’s nothing.
God, within this beautiful facade that I present is a wailing soul, do something… You know my thoughts right now… do something about them! You know how I feel right now even though I can’t put them into words…do something!
Do something father, and do it fast before I drown.
Your favorite daughter.
P.s- even though I don’t like you right now, and I am not happy with you, I love you Lord and you are still my best friend.