Friday, February 22, 2013

Dear God...



I feel like hell right now, I feel invincible, I feel terrible, I feel… sad, really sad and angry at God.  I wish I wasn’t in church right now so that I could cry.  I feel the tears shimmering on my lids. God why me?  Why? 

I can’t even put to words the exact way I feel...  Empty perhaps?  Yes empty.  I feel like I am just living aimlessly.  Why do I feel this way when I am in your presence?  I should be happy…I should feel loved...  I should feel wrapped in the comfort of your presence around me… but I don’t.

Everyone is avidly listening to the priest and screaming AMEN, claiming everything he is saying for them.  But I don’t hear anything he is saying, he just drones on and on, he is definitely not saying anything I want to hear right now.  I wish he would tell me why I feel this way, if only he would tell me why my life is so stagnant…  I wish he would just shut up already.  I don’t feel like being here right now, I want to go home and cry.

Everyone around me is getting married; everyone is getting a job, everyone in moving somewhere, but I am just here; nothing is happening in my life.  I want to have a testimony, I want to be able to say something…anything at all, but…there’s nothing.

God, within this beautiful facade that I present is a wailing soul, do something…  You know my thoughts right now… do something about them!  You know how I feel right now even though I can’t put them into words…do something!

Do something father, and do it fast before I drown.

Your favorite daughter.

P.s- even though I don’t like you right now, and I am not happy with you, I love you Lord and you are still my best friend.